Everything goes in threes...

(from 2012)

Who said that?

One theory is that is comes from Pythagoras, another is from Christendom’s traditional trinity, but why that should be translated into a series of disasters I could not say.

But I was mindful of the old saying just a week or so ago.

I was just completing a very happy week – working for a charity, meeting lots of people I have known for years, and if some were a bit down, hopefully leaving them feeling a bit better at the end. Unlike the person for whom I was deputising, I drove into town in – not a shiny new company car – but an old fourteen year old set of wheels, that was worse than nearly everybody else’s. People sorta warmed to that.

But it did have its downside. Disaster one was travelling home on the second to last day. My old car was ancient when I bought it nearly five years ago, and I had clocked up nearly one hundred thousand miles in the meantime. Manual gearbox, wonky electrics – it was destined to be finally pensioned off when the next annual test came up.

But then, a mile or two from home, it happened. The gear stick actually came off in my hand! When it happens to Laurel and Hardy you laugh. When it happens to you, your first reaction (if religious) is to briefly contemplate that the resurrection is a wonderful hope...

We ground to a rather dramatic halt. The sum total was that for my last day away I had to be ferried there by a friend – which warmed the hearts of the people we were visiting no end. Yes – we lived in the real world – when not laughing, they felt my pain...

I am now the proud possessor of a much more modern set of wheels, automatic gearbox at last (the significant other will now share the driving) and am slightly older, wiser – and considerably poorer. Vehicles are a pain in the wallet.

That was disaster one. Then, as I was preparing to catch up with secular activities to pay for the unexpected expense, my autoclave had a hissy fit. Literally. It is designed to sterilise equipment at 134 degrees, and resembles a rather sophisticated pressure cooker. It was new quite recently, and already we have had the engineer out for a couple of hours of drinking tea and eating biscuits and no sense of urgency when it turned into an impersonation of a geyser – which, according to the manual, it is not supposed to do. Memories came back from a million years ago, when my mother had a new fangled pressure cooker which – due to her inexperience – had a technical malfunction. Our dinner was imbedded in a circular pattern on the kitchen ceiling.

So, autoclave malfunction again. It is time for the “I-don’t-want-you-fixing-it-badly-again-I- want-a-new-one-under-guarantee-thank-you-very-much” conversation. That is waiting for me when I get home from vacation. I don’t like those kind of conversations.

And disaster three? Checking out the website that makes autoclaves, I noticed a nice little program with a Windows logo called System Check. One click. Yes, you have various slight problems, just click here to solve. Click. Whoosh. Now you have all sorts of things wrong – just send your credit card details and pin numbers to a site with no name...  Realization dawns. You have Dumb, Dumber – and Occasional Reader.

Normally, as what people might call “a slightly-techie old guy” I can burrow into system folders, find a restore point, and reclaim life as it was the day before. Not this time. It blocked everything. I couldn’t access the screen or anything. When did I last do a full back up? Yeah – last September...

A friend who believes he can do anything on computers came round. He confidently started, but after an hour and a half of burrowing into the mysteries of ancient DOS, with sweat pouring down his face, had to admit defeat.

So I went to a computer shop. The first one was manned by two scruffy lads, who knew even less about computers than I did. But the next stop I walked in – I was, to my surprise, greeted by name. It was run by someone of my own faith, whose congregation I had visited officially several years before. Lovely to see you. How was I? I was fine. How was my computer? Sick as a parrot. I have to say that he knew what he was doing. Over a couple of days, he rescued all my stuff. He cheerfully explained that I had caught something that only dates from January this year that gets through your virus software as a Trojan which you then activate by clicking on it... But it had a Windows logo on it I plaintively exclaimed... But yes – I was the first. He was confidently expecting a steady stream of ashen faced people coming through his door with the same problem. One man’s rain is another man’s sunshine.

So with my life rescued, I hastily backed everything up on other external hard drives, and I think I may invest in system 7. I think I may also invest in a little net book for all the crucial stuff – the “I-cannot-live-without-this-and-my-life-is- over-if-it-disappears” stuff – and not access the net at all on that machine – leaving my main machine for everything else, including blogs and research and the like – where if worst case scenario happens, one can retrace ones steps and download again.

So, frazzled and worn out, I went on vacation, and am now gradually settling down to normal.

But yes – it goes in threes...

I suppose it could have been worse.

Everything could have gone in fours.....

Don’t speak too soon...