I never got
on too well with Wodehouse as author, apart from the Mr. Mulliner short stories,
but he did have a nice line in one-liners.
Here are a
few:
On romance
As a child
of eight he had once kissed a girl of six under the mistletoe at a Christmas
party, but there his sex life had come to an abrupt halt.
On children
Like so many
infants of tender years, he presented to the eye the aspect of a mass murderer
suffering from an ingrowing toenail.
On sound
She was
giving the impression of a hyena which had just heard a good one from another
hyena.
Somewhere in
the woods beyond the river a nightingale had begun to sing with all the
full-throated zest of a bird conscious of having had a rave notice from the
poet Keats.
On writing
I dedicate
this book to my daughter Leonora without whose never-failing sympathy and
encouragement it would have been finished in half the time.
On
appearance
Gussie, a
glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.
My dear, you
look like Helen of Troy after a good facial.
The French
invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine.
Jeeves
lugged my purple socks out of the drawer as if he were a vegetarian fishing a
caterpillar out of his salad.
She looked
as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say “when”.
And finally
on Life...
A melancholy
looking man, he had the appearance of one who had searched for the leak in
life’s gas pipe with a lighted candle.
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